I have no choice, I have to keep going. This relentless pounding in my head isn’t healthy, it’s called life, society, culture. Not healthy just real, so really real that I can’t seem to escape it, no matter how hard I try. Contemplation, meditation, I do it SO HARD.
And still the noise is there, banging at my window, demanding to come in. It’s called work. ‘Earn your keep boy’.
‘Those who do not work shall not eat.’
Well this has nothing to say about being a professional volunteer, about not being able to get a job in a crashing global economy, about refusing to do work or collaborate with any company that destroys people and the planet around it.
Because this is my choice. This is what I choose. I willingly go to the slaughterhouse of activism and refuse to contribute to a global economy that wrecks itself through consuming even those who support it. Eating souls, relationships, family and friends, we willingly march everyday into the furnace of M.O.R.E. Because what choice do we have?
And so I call myself a pro-vol. Or should it just be pro-bono? I don’t know how to face the simple fact that the only work I can get, the only work that’s really worth doing, in the larger scheme of things, is unpaid, because capitalism.
How do you have margin in your life when you don’t have time to sleep or eat because you only make minimum wage and work 5 jobs oh wait let’s call them businesses these days? How do you take the time to build relationships or have a spiritual practice when you have to spend 25 hours a day 8 days a week providing for yourself or your family? How do you even perform self care when you are killing yourself to survive?
‘Seek ye first the kingdom of God and ALL THESE THINGS will be added unto you.’
No choice. I have no choice but to trust in that, to take Him at His Word.